Releasing Shame

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

What is it about shame?

Holding on to shame, continuing to harbor negative feelings about our sense of shame, severely limits us from being who we’ve been created to be - we don’t feel great about ourselves because we’re ashamed, feel less than, having to hide something; we aren’t as open as we’d like to be, particularly if we’re seeking authenticity, which so many of us are today.

What kinds of things do women feel shame about?

Well, there are the “big” things lying, cheating, stealing (…oh, Lord, I hate to admit it, I’ve done all of those things at one time or another). The things we did do and the things we didn’t do. And the other things we wouldn’t particularly want our neighbors or colleagues to know about us.

Where does your body hold shame?

Often shame lodges in the belly and/or solar plexus. Begin to notice where you feel your body reacting to the shame you feel about a shame-inducing incident. It feels to me like I’m pulling in, hiding, covering myself.

Go kinda easy on yourself

One of the gifts I’m receiving is an opportunity to heal huge amounts of shame I’ve held on to for years, as well as the more recent stuff. Although some of it feels pretty crappy, there is also space and a peace, particularly as I can open up and let God into those dark and lonely places. I am so grateful that I can see the benefits of this process – as it’s pretty foul stuff that’s coming up. This is what I’ve been asking for…to be clean and used by God. Wouldn’t it be great to appreciate more of our process/journey? Hopefully, more and more with time - I guess this is part of the process, too! It’s not an easy process, but I can feel it will be well worth it.

INQUIRY:

How would your life be more fulfilling with less shame?

Being Real

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding | Leave a Comment


A number of years ago, I had a favorite devotional I used in my recovery program. Somewhere along the line, it fell apart and I probably tossed it. I can’t remember the name and I haven’t been able to find another copy, but I DO remember one of the stories that really touched me & I loved reading it! In the story a mother, grandmother, and little girl go to a restaurant and the waitress takes the orders for the two women and then turns to the little girl and asks what she would like. The girl’s mother starts to answer, but the waitress raises her hand to stop her and again, turns to the little girl and repeats her question. The little girl joyously gives her order, the waitress smiles, says “Coming right up!” and begins to walk away. The little girl excitedly says, “Mommy! Mommy! She thinks I’m REAL!”1164704972c1ctth

I get a little teary when I think of the story…how many of us didn’t feel very real growing up? Even now, it often feels that people are so hungry for been seen for who they are, rather than what they’re doing.


By TwitterButtons.com

Finding your own way

Filed Under Authenticity, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

Have you ever walked through an unfamiliar room in the dark, slowly feeling your way along so you didn’t trip over chairs or run into walls? Hands out, feeling along the wall until you found a doorway or sensed a bit of light (or found the light switch)? Maybe stubbing your toe along the way? Do you wind up “cursing the darkness?”

“No one of us has escaped a special plan. And everyone of us is inspired in particular ways, with particular talents.” Author unknown, Each Day a New Beginning

There comes a time for many of us when our life feels like that darkened room. We’ve followed the beaten path, the familiar path, but now some inner nudging is urging us to move on to a new road. We do have choices: we can keep following the well-worn path or blaze our own new one. One we can clearly discern; the other, barely, if ever, trodden. But what choices! Robert Frost wrote in The Road not Taken,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth…

…I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For some of us, it’s time to take a new road, perhaps a path that has not yet been blazed, yet is our path. And one we must take for our own growth, perhaps our own sanity. Maybe inner guidance is saying “This way. This way.” But as we look down, there’s no trail in front of us. No clear path to follow. Our inner guidance lets us know, the clear-cut path is not for us…we’ve passed the point of no return. We’re having to forge ahead, perhaps slowing our pace to an excruciatingly slow crawl, feeling along every millimeter, trying to find our openings. As we muddle along, learning to hear our guidance more clearly and feel for those openings more gracefully, our hearts begin to remember their purpose and say “yes.” And as that happens, our way is made lighter and more joyous. Given our world today, it is especially important that we each recognize and work at fulfilling our “special plan.” Each day, take a step along your path, even if it is a tiny one. If you need help, ask for it. Be in communication with your inner guidance - listen and heed its advice. When your heart says “yes” - move with it! It knows the way home.

Yes we can.

Filed Under Authenticity, Gratitude | Leave a Comment

Recently I received a thank you note from Barack and Michelle Obama.  You may have received one, as well.  I’m sure many people did.  Part of the note read,

“…This is our time…to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth…that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:  Yes We Can.”

Yes We Can.  That thought thrills me.  The realization that my president-elect wants me – us – to believe that – to stand in it – to live it – thrills me even more.  If we do live this, what can we create/develop/help happen?

What is it that you want for yourself, for your family, your community, country, world?  What do you hope for?  My hope is that we all become clearer about what we want, we recognize that we can, and we strive to make those dreams and hopes a reality.

Delight

Filed Under Authenticity, Sparkle | Leave a Comment

Watching a YouTube video of Barack Obama on Ellen DeGeneres’ show made me realize, yet again, how impressed I am by this man who will be president of the United States.  There is something about him that seems so genuine and so accessible.   His election signals a major change for the country, and maybe for us as a people.  What would our country be like if we all do step up more, dream more, work for our dreams more?   This video of Mr. Obama dancing makes me smile.  It makes me wonder what life would be like if more of us just started dancing more; if more of us could break free from our shoulds and have-tos and could just be ourselves.  And appreciate who we are, just as we are.  Not that we wouldn’t want to keep growing and keep improving, but that we could appreciate our own unique qualities and share them more fully with others.  What if we could delight in being ourselves?  I think of little children who are able to do that and think how wonderful life could be if we carried a lot more of that delight into adulthood, into our work, into our relationships.

I think I’m fortunate to have been built the way I’ve been and to have had opportunities to explore more of my own inner world.  For the most part, I love being me…even if I do whine and gripe and cry about the state of my closets or desk tops.  Yeah, I’d like to be more consistent with follow through, and yet there’s not a whole lot I’m desperate to change.  I feel so blessed to be able to do the work I do - and in the vein of authenticity, to be able to offer a workshop like “Listening is Love.“  It’s just the best to be able to facilitate people connecting at a heart-to-heart level and share themselves more and more authentically!

Life as an exploration

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Embracing uncertainty, Joyous Living | Leave a Comment

I think I should have my life all figured out by now. I am in my fifties, after all… older than my new doctor. Omigosh. How did THAT happen? And when?
I never thought my life would be so much trial-and-error. I guess I thought it was going to be (or at least it was supposed to be) try-and-be-very-good-right-away. In my dreams…like the one where the I meet this handsome, kind, intelligent, spiritual, rich guy who adores me and we live happily ever after. Yeah, that one.

Life Lab

So, waking up seems to mean that you accept that there’s a lot of experimenting and trying things out. This is your Life Lab. What works here? What is it you DO want? Eeeew! That’s not what you were expecting! What’s next? And realizing nothing is WRONG, it really is just not the outcome you’d hoped for. So, what IS next?

What’s Next?

Just received my copy of Style Statement by Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte. I am excited about delving into this book, probably because when I first heard Carrie McCarthy speak about people being “thirsty for knowing themselves” I thought, here’s a woman after my own heart. The book seems to offer some great questions for self-discovery, and I’m jazzed about the process! McCarthy & LaPorte write,

“We rarely think twice about what we’re attracted to. But what floats our boat - and why - is the zillion-dollar question.”

Inquiry

What do you love - and why?

Joining the revolution

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

This morning I ran across a video clip that made me feel like I’d found some long-lost family. “People are thirsty for knowing themselves” and “we want to start a revolution in people being authentic” were two of the first comments out of Carrie’s mouth. Omigosh! Someone who’s part of “my tribe” that I didn’t know was out there! I’m not alone!

Okay, so I know I’m not alone, but there are those days when I wonder if I’m off course with the work I do…that I long to share. You know, the “well, given the economy, isn’t what you do a luxury?” In my heart, my soul, it’s “No! This is some of the most important work imaginable!” Knowing yourself, being authentic, finding your own sense of joy, genius, sparkle…THAT’S what this precious life is all about! I’ve been dabbling in this revolution for several years now, so the revolution’s started, it just has to gain momentum!

I’ve just purchased the “Style Statement” book & looking forward to reading it!

Inquiry

Two of the questions asked by Carrie and Danielle were:
What do you love?
Why do you love it?

well behaved women

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Sparkle | Leave a Comment

Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich wrote those (or very similar) words in an article, Vertuous Women Found: New England Ministerial Literature, 1668-1735 . American Quarterly, Vol. 28, No. 1 (Spring, 1976), pp. 20-40
doi:10.2307/2712475

“Cotton Mather called them the “the hidden ones.” They never preached or sat in a deacon’s bench. Nor did they vote or attend Harvard. Neither, because they were virtuous women, did they question God or the magistrates. They prayed secretly, read the Bible through at least once a year, and went to hear the minister preach even when it snowed. Hoping for an eternal crown, they never asked to be remembered on earth. And they haven’t been. Well-behaved women seldom make history…”

I smile whenever I read those last words. Makes me feel like being sassy is okay. Or if not sassy, at least being able to stand up for what we believe. Although today being a virtuous woman is pretty much taking a stand against the “norm.” Living a life in hopes of that “eternal crown” may seem very out of tune with our culture.

March is Women’s History Month. What’s the history you’d like to make? Do you write it down? One of the reviewers of Ms. Ulrich’s recent book, “Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History” wrote that “history isn’t simply what happened in the past; it is what later generations choose to remember.” We can help future generations remember by telling our stories.

What’s mine to do

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Gratitude, Joyous Living, Sparkle | Leave a Comment

Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas.
- Henry Ford

Have you ever found something you were really passionate about…a thought or idea that you knew was “yours” to build on, even though it might seem unlikely to others? I’ve come, grudgingly, to realize the idea of inner sparkle is “mine.” Being a fairly serious sort much of the time, this sparkle idea often seems unlikely to me, let alone others to whom this gift hasn’t been given. For months, I’ve really tried to put it aside, pretend it isn’t there, get on to more serious subjects…important subjects. Railing at God that He must have something more important for me to be working on than (aack!) sparkle. Yet the railing does little good, and for my own sanity, I work to investigate my negative thoughts and obstacles to seeing sparkle as something not only valid, but valuable to many people, perhaps even key to living a more joyous and productive life. Couldn’t that thought be just as true?

One of the hiccups is that the word sparkle has the connotation of “bling” but that’s not the kind of sparkle I’m talking about. I’m talking enthusiasm and joy, awe and wonder,204545936_fa331c0bb0_m.jpg appreciation and gratitude for this amazing life.  Letting ourselves fill with those qualities. Fill to overflowing, so that they overflow and send sparkle on to the next person. I smile when I think of those people I’ve seen who are our natural sparklers. People can’t help but lightening up around those kinds of folks. Maybe it’s that they strike something within us that has been covered over and now gets a chance to shine. I think it’s time that more sparkle does happen. More light, more inner peace, more joy, more hope. With this inner sparkle, this enthusiasm, our hopes and dreams may shine to the stars. Do I want to live like that? Do I find that valuable? Do I want to be filled with awe and wonder and enthusiasm? Uhhhhh, yeah.

What would your life be like with more inner sparkle, more enthusiasm? What would you be up to? What makes your heart smile? Where and how can you find more of that?

photo: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/60/204545936_fa331c0bb0_m.jpg

Fumbling towards inner peace

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Freedom Challenge, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

I found this blog with poetry about love, inner peace, broken hearts…   The author's name wasn't apparent, unfortunately.  Here's a snippet: 

Looking deep within to find that place of peace
Opening up your heart to expose nothing but the truth
Vulnerable feelings flow as you find out more and more
Every day a challenge as another layer removed

Yes, isn't inner peace about love?  Loving yourself.  Coming to grips with who you are…warts and all. Finding out more and more…going back to some of the forgotten and buried places and giving them a good cleaning.  Letting the shame and/or judgments be washed away.  At least that's how it's working for me.  I've finally finished a teacher's internship program and realize there's still a hesitation about going out and being seen.  A mentor has been mentioning for some time that I've some issues around fear hindering my stepping out.  I haven't wanted to "go there."  And now, it may be time.  One of the first "reasons" I face when looking at why I hide:  I do try to be a good person, but I've done a number of things I'm sooo not proud of.  The "really awful ones" were a long time ago, they're over and done with.  Except in my mind and in those places I've allowed shame and judgments about them to fester.  No inner peace is gonna grow in that environment!  Phewww!  Bit by bit, though, letting fresh air and healing energy, love, acceptance in - then that peace, and joy, and love can take root and grow.  

I may not ever LIKE some of my past actions, but the idea that I can let go of the shame and judgments?  Yes, that's a distinct possibility.  Another way of being set free.  Free at last, free at last.  Thank God Almighty, free at last.   I'm imagining I'm hearing Martin Luther King, Jr. speak those words.  Was he the one who spoke them so eloquently?   I've so appreciated hearing about him the last few days.  He is one of those who makes me want to play a bigger "game" than the one I am comfortable with…  May we all take greater stands for what is right, and just, and healthy, and holy and whole.

keep looking »