well behaved women

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Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich wrote those (or very similar) words in an article, Vertuous Women Found: New England Ministerial Literature, 1668-1735 . American Quarterly, Vol. 28, No. 1 (Spring, 1976), pp. 20-40
doi:10.2307/2712475

“Cotton Mather called them the “the hidden ones.” They never preached or sat in a deacon’s bench. Nor did they vote or attend Harvard. Neither, because they were virtuous women, did they question God or the magistrates. They prayed secretly, read the Bible through at least once a year, and went to hear the minister preach even when it snowed. Hoping for an eternal crown, they never asked to be remembered on earth. And they haven’t been. Well-behaved women seldom make history…”

I smile whenever I read those last words. Makes me feel like being sassy is okay. Or if not sassy, at least being able to stand up for what we believe. Although today being a virtuous woman is pretty much taking a stand against the “norm.” Living a life in hopes of that “eternal crown” may seem very out of tune with our culture.

March is Women’s History Month. What’s the history you’d like to make? Do you write it down? One of the reviewers of Ms. Ulrich’s recent book, “Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History” wrote that “history isn’t simply what happened in the past; it is what later generations choose to remember.” We can help future generations remember by telling our stories.

What’s mine to do

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Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas.
- Henry Ford

Have you ever found something you were really passionate about…a thought or idea that you knew was “yours” to build on, even though it might seem unlikely to others? I’ve come, grudgingly, to realize the idea of inner sparkle is “mine.” Being a fairly serious sort much of the time, this sparkle idea often seems unlikely to me, let alone others to whom this gift hasn’t been given. For months, I’ve really tried to put it aside, pretend it isn’t there, get on to more serious subjects…important subjects. Railing at God that He must have something more important for me to be working on than (aack!) sparkle. Yet the railing does little good, and for my own sanity, I work to investigate my negative thoughts and obstacles to seeing sparkle as something not only valid, but valuable to many people, perhaps even key to living a more joyous and productive life. Couldn’t that thought be just as true?

One of the hiccups is that the word sparkle has the connotation of “bling” but that’s not the kind of sparkle I’m talking about. I’m talking enthusiasm and joy, awe and wonder,204545936_fa331c0bb0_m.jpg appreciation and gratitude for this amazing life.  Letting ourselves fill with those qualities. Fill to overflowing, so that they overflow and send sparkle on to the next person. I smile when I think of those people I’ve seen who are our natural sparklers. People can’t help but lightening up around those kinds of folks. Maybe it’s that they strike something within us that has been covered over and now gets a chance to shine. I think it’s time that more sparkle does happen. More light, more inner peace, more joy, more hope. With this inner sparkle, this enthusiasm, our hopes and dreams may shine to the stars. Do I want to live like that? Do I find that valuable? Do I want to be filled with awe and wonder and enthusiasm? Uhhhhh, yeah.

What would your life be like with more inner sparkle, more enthusiasm? What would you be up to? What makes your heart smile? Where and how can you find more of that?

photo: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/60/204545936_fa331c0bb0_m.jpg

ch ch ch changes

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Changes are exciting! And nerve-wracking. And frustrating. And messy. Why do I always forget that it’s going to get messy before it’s done? Or that I’ll want to give up. O me of little faith!

Fumbling towards inner peace

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Freedom Challenge, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

I found this blog with poetry about love, inner peace, broken hearts…   The author's name wasn't apparent, unfortunately.  Here's a snippet: 

Looking deep within to find that place of peace
Opening up your heart to expose nothing but the truth
Vulnerable feelings flow as you find out more and more
Every day a challenge as another layer removed

Yes, isn't inner peace about love?  Loving yourself.  Coming to grips with who you are…warts and all. Finding out more and more…going back to some of the forgotten and buried places and giving them a good cleaning.  Letting the shame and/or judgments be washed away.  At least that's how it's working for me.  I've finally finished a teacher's internship program and realize there's still a hesitation about going out and being seen.  A mentor has been mentioning for some time that I've some issues around fear hindering my stepping out.  I haven't wanted to "go there."  And now, it may be time.  One of the first "reasons" I face when looking at why I hide:  I do try to be a good person, but I've done a number of things I'm sooo not proud of.  The "really awful ones" were a long time ago, they're over and done with.  Except in my mind and in those places I've allowed shame and judgments about them to fester.  No inner peace is gonna grow in that environment!  Phewww!  Bit by bit, though, letting fresh air and healing energy, love, acceptance in - then that peace, and joy, and love can take root and grow.  

I may not ever LIKE some of my past actions, but the idea that I can let go of the shame and judgments?  Yes, that's a distinct possibility.  Another way of being set free.  Free at last, free at last.  Thank God Almighty, free at last.   I'm imagining I'm hearing Martin Luther King, Jr. speak those words.  Was he the one who spoke them so eloquently?   I've so appreciated hearing about him the last few days.  He is one of those who makes me want to play a bigger "game" than the one I am comfortable with…  May we all take greater stands for what is right, and just, and healthy, and holy and whole.

What is calling you out of hiding?

Filed Under Authenticity, Coming out of hiding, Embracing uncertainty, Freedom Challenge, Gratitude, Joyous Living, Sparkle | 1 Comment

As a part of starting a new year, I am in the process of changing many things. Over the last year, I’ve recognized that my work has been changing, taking on a slightly different theme from the one I’d originally started with. I noticed I hadn’t been using my old cards for some time because they no longer “felt right.” So, several months ago, I began working with a long-term friend of mine, Billy Hill , to remodel my logo. “Have you put it on anything besides stationery?” asked Kathy Mallary , somewhat bewildered by my “hiding out.” “Does it have some significance for you? Does it express you and your work is some meaningful way? If so, then let people know about it!” she said. So, here is my remodeled logo - which has tremendous significance for me! The dancer element was the one piece I didn’t want to lose, for a variety of reasons. First of all, even though I’ve not been trained as a dancer, my soul dances all the time, so a logo that expresses me and my work, would naturally include a dancer. This dancer, in particular, leaps with joy and abandon. Secondly, the body of the dancer is made up of a “J” (for Joyous) and an “L” (for Life) - for Joyous LifeWorks. The circle is significant, to me, because it represents being able to come out of one’s shell…sensing the opening and leaping for it…undaunted, and with joy!

Coming out of hiding, coming out from a shell. Exciting, invigorating, a little scary…just because it’s new. Does every new year hold this much hope? Probably, although, maybe because I am getting older, I’m wanting to make “sure” I live my life full out, so each day seems to hold more opportunity - or at least more opportunity that I’m willing to reach for.

Inquiry

What are you hoping to leap for this year? What is calling you out of “hiding?”

Your unique expression

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The other night I woke up in the middle of the night and for whatever reason, flipped on the television to the local PBS station. Christiane Northrup was speaking and began to quote famed dancer and choreographer, Martha Graham: “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy , a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others“‘

from The Life and Work of Martha Graham

I’m not certain how Ms. Graham defined “artist,” but the “vitality” and unique expression she spoke of fits many of us - or could! Perhaps it’s because it’s the new year, or that I spent a good portion of my holidays with family members in their 70’s and 80’s, that I am so wanting to take action to bring my own vitality and unique expression into the world and encourage that in others as well.  What happens if we shut our expression off? Are we somehow depriving the world of some very special gift (even if we don’t see that gift as special)? What if we are all pieces of a magnificent puzzle and our “job” here is to be fully ourselves so that we can fill in our part of the puzzle completely. And if we don’t fully blossom, the pieces of the puzzle just don’t fit together the way they were designed to. Or maybe if you shut off your flow of divine inspiration, the person you were meant to feed or nurture or inspire doesn’t get what they need to grow and flourish. Maybe if we don’t keep the channel open, our own inner sparkle doesn’t get what it needs to flourish. And that inner sparkle is, in my opinion, what gives us the joy, enthusiasm, and passion to live a rich, full, peace-filled life. I am excited and enthused about keeping my channel open, fully aware that my passion for promoting “sparkle” is not for everyone. But as my dear friend and coach extraordinaire, Molly Gordon , told me: “Sparkle is your gift and your responsibillity.” It’s a puzzle piece I want to make sure gets plumped up!

Inquiry

What are some of your unique expressions? Do you recognize a “need” to shut them down in the face of “disapproval” or comparisons? What might help you keep your channel open?

Progress

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A few months ago, I set a huge goal for myself - to have a clutter-free home by December 31st. I enlisted my husband’s support - to have it be a mutual goal, since his support is crucial to having this work, for a number of reasons. The clutter we accumulate (and whose it is, and who “should” clear it up) has been an ongoing issue for us and we don’t always handle it like partners. A big piece of the “issue” is that my hubby and I haven’t very effectively found a “home” for many of our things. For him, his stuff is straightforward - it goes in the garage or the shed (of course!). And his idea of making it all work is putting things away where it will work for him…”oh, I never use wrapping paper. I’ll stick it up in the rafters.” Mine (and ours) doesn’t seem as easy for me, so having his help and input - and doing it together - was important.

Shortly after setting the “clutter-free home” goal, I spent a couple of good chunks of time on the project. Felt like I made great headway. Didn’t think about the holidays creating more clutter. Lost some ground. Now we’re getting really close to the end of the year, Paul’s parents are coming to stay with us, and we’re nowhere near clutter-free. But we did work together over the weekend - in a way that felt like a partnership. We got a lot done, had some good laughs, and not too many cross words. I have most of my hair left. Plus, we still have time!

Being the perfectionist I can sometimes be, this is also a good opportunity evaluate what “clutter-free” really means to me. The images I have in my mind seem to be along the lines of “immaculate” - which seems a bit far-fetched. I wrote a while back that what I really wanted was to have “a place for everything” so that “10-minute pick-ups” would put the place back into order - and not a lot of “stuff” laying around ..no kitty toys next to the phone, no dog brushes on the entryway counter, counters and tables pretty clear, etc. And to be able to keep it up? Yowza!! Progress, not perfection! Good progress, too! (As long as I don’t compare myself with a Superwoman, like SAHMmysays - Stay at Home Moms - pretty clever and not just for Moms - this Grandma got some great ideas! She’s a crack-up (and a little scary, she’s so on top of things)! Don’t miss the GOYB Series !)

I’ve been around long enough to know about the correlation between outer clutter and inner clutter - duh! So, this clutter-clearing is obviously a pathway to my own inner clearing - and inner peace. It takes work and consistent upkeep and it doesn’t happen overnight. You want inner peace? You gotta become your own inner activist!

Inquiry

What actions are up for you to take to bring about more inner peace?

Choosing happiness

Filed Under Embracing uncertainty, Joyous Living, Sparkle, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."   Abraham LincolnLincoln

 When I read that quote, I imagine I can hear Mr. Lincoln saying those words in a down-to-earth, folksy manner.  Simple, matter-of-fact, this is how it is.  My heart really warms to it, even though it seems TOO simple.  I think we all want to be happy - I know I do, but making up our minds to be happy and sticking to it doesn't seem so simple.  Or maybe once we've gotten to the habit of feeling negative, it's just harder to make up our minds to change.  I was working with a client this morning who has pretty much determined that life isn't going to go well for her, and sure enough, that seems to be how things are turning out.  I think it takes a lot of fortitude to say "I'm going to change my attitude" when you can't see how to be any other way - and particularly if you don't know HOW to make that change.  I realize it's basically developing a new habit, just made a bit more challenging by the subtlety of the negative "voices" and the depth that they've been ingrained.

The biggest boosts for me have been to be more aware of my negative thinking sooner - and having an experience of feeling and behaving in another way.  Catching myself thinking self-defeating thoughts fairly early on - before they take root - is so beneficial.  For example, if I've just made a mistake, I'm able to catch myself right after the first (or second or third) self-berating thought and actually say something to myself along the lines of "Oh, sweetie, it's just a mistake.  It's okay.  What can we do about it/do differently?"  For me, the gentleness is such a blessing!  Bit by bit I am believing that I can make up my mind to be joyous - and keep learning "better ways" as I go along.  The second piece is that recently I've had experiences of the deep, inner sparkle growing brighter and brighter.  Being enthused about life.  Molly Gordon mentioned to be recently "You know, Shawn, sparkle is your gift and your responsibility."  I love the way that resonates so deeply inside me, so that my heart and soul say "YES!".  That (or something like that) gets to be my touchstone.  

So, the Sparkle Class is on it's way! 

Drowning in Thanks

Filed Under Gratitude | 3 Comments

It's Thanksgiving week here in the United States.  Most of us are so blessed, yet it's so easy to take so much for granted.  Even though I have so much, I occasionally find myself whining.  How is that possible?  In some ways, I think I succumb to that Deadly Sin - greed!  (or materialism)  It's so rampant, it seems normal.  There's always the next "big thing" to come along.  

A while back Adam Kayce suggested rather than trying to "root out" problem issues, sometimes it's better to drown them with the good stuff.  Actually, that may not have been exactly what he said, but that was how I heard it!!   So, this week of Thanksgiving seems as good a time as any to overwhelm my whining with some lists of gratitude!  Here goes (in no particular order):

1) the young maple tree in front of my office is adorned in beautiful leaves

2) I have an office

3) the weather has been beautiful

4) my spiritual path feeds my soul

5) my husband is a sweetheart (he's working on a handyman project for me right now)

6) I'm healthy

7) my son is healthy and relatively happy

8) my daughter-in-law is a gem

9) my grandchildren are healthy - and beautiful

10) I enjoy my work and the people I work with 

 boy, this list could really go on…

Inquiry

What are you grateful for?  Do you have a gratitude practice?  Can you look around you - even in challenging situations - and find something to be grateful for?

Sending you blessings and best wishes for this Thanksgiving week! 

Living a full life

Filed Under Authenticity, Embracing uncertainty, Freedom Challenge, Gratitude, Joyous Living, Setbacks as opportunities, Sparkle, Stretching the comfort zone | Leave a Comment

Over the last six months, three of my dear friends have lost their spouses.  Each time, I've been shaken by it, but I guess this third one has felt like a real wake up call.  All the cliches apply:  Life is short; Life is precious; Don't take life for granted; etc.  I want to throw everything that does not matter aside and give my passion and purpose free reign.  How else will I manage to keep finding new levels of inner peace?  Each time I squelch a part of myself that exudes joy, I can feel a bit of my soul shriveling up.  I don't want to die an unlived life!!  I pray that I can keep tapping into this passionate part of myself and help others to do the same, so that our world thrives on the best of ourselves rather than the fear that seems to be running rampant.


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